Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
