she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
