So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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