when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
