He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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