Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
