In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
