so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
