I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
