i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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