I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it glows. i had to have it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
