just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
