Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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