He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize