I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
