would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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