Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I touched a dick in church today
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
