Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
