Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize