oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he fucked my hip out of place.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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