bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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