You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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