If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
