if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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