My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
