You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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