I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
