You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
