Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
