I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
