Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
