im drinking this country out of the recession.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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