I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
