I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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