I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
