please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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