im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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