Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
