I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
