Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
