making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
