words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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