I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
