He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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