awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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