Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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