while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
