imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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