note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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