fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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