I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize