you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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