Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
