I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
