U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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