i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
