what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
