How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
