Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
