I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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