i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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