sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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