SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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