i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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