He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize