Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
