No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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