very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
