chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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