its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
