I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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