Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
