Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
