a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
a search helicopter?!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
