Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
