I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
