his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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