he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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